12/6/2012 2 Comments
Overflow of Emotions
Sometimes it happens and I can’t explain why. My body is overtaken by emotions to a point where it hurts. Ok, let me break it down so you can see what I mean.
I go about my day like usual. Feeling cheery and positive and all is fine, until suddenly IT creeps up on me and BOOM suddenly I am in this mood, feeling, anxiety- whatever you want to call it. All the thoughts flood my mind and go through me, making me wonder what if? What if I will be alone forever? What if the one I love won’t love me anymore? What if I lose what is precious to me like my kids? What if my feelings of just feeling will go away? What if I don’t get a chance to complete my life in the way I wanted? What if? All of the sudden these damn “what ifs” put me in the center of it all and I feel as if I am floating disconnected from everything. I get into this panic inside me, where I feel my stomach getting tight and I just want to cry. I feel alone, completely alone. I don’t understand my own self and I don’t expect you to understand this madness either. I have kids, I have a man who loves me I am surrounded by people constantly who care about me and yet I am feeling alone? Really? Something is not right. My soul feels so inspired one minute and the next it feels empty. I pour my heart out into wanting to help those who I see emotionally down and yet I am at times emotionally broken myself. I have sympathy for those that are hurt and I look up to those who are strong. I try to understand where each person comes from and what is the core of that darker ribbon that lingers inside as part of the sadness? And yet I cannot figure out my own ribbon that seems to appear time to time within me. Can this be one of the openings? Is this another lesson to learn? Do I need to feel this emptiness inside my heart and soul so I can learn new ways to understand others? Can this be one of my own phobias that is coming up? Am I afraid to be alone? Well I know I need love, I mean don’t we all. But I mean love as acceptance, not love as partner loving you. I know I want to be accepted for who I am, I want to be loved as a being, I want to be understood, I want to be part of what and who is important to me. What is missing? I have it in one way or another, but my soul needs more. All this heaviness on my chest, I need to let go of it somehow. Well this might sound like bunch of rambling to you, but in a way this is self-healing. Expressing yourself so all this heaviness is flowing out. Here I am exposed of my masking, my walls, you see me as I am with all of my emotions on the table. I am sure you can find yourself somewhere between these lines as well. Oh I felt this way before or I know exactly what you are talking about. So what to do from here? I take it all in. I allow myself feel these emotions to a point where there is no more. I allow myself to feel vulnerable. I cry, I think, I ponder. I sit with myself, feeling my own breathing. Then I express these feelings, through writing like the one here and now, through a poem, through a painting or a song and my own Reiki healing. I heal myself with what feels good to the soul. Then I turn this into another lesson in my life. I apply it to others by being more compassionate, by telling someone how to deal with certain things in the way I dealt with it. Who knows it might help someone along the way. Most of all when I work with my Energy Healing on others this is how I connect with people who I treat. I connect my soul with theirs, understanding what they need healed, why they might feel the way they do. And knowing how unjustifiably painful it can be inside I want to help that pain to go away for them, just as much as I am trying to make it go away for my own self at a time like this.
Thank you for being part of my expressing. I hope you found something that you connected with and I hope you can see even though we are so different we are still in some ways the same.
12/11/2012 12:31:23 am
Let it out girl. We are all the same and feel the same unexplainable feelings from time to time. That sudden sadness that overtakes us, is when our soul remembers where we are and not where it should be. <3
12/11/2012 12:45:41 am
Yes, totaly agree. And so we go on to feel and heal and learn. <3
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